Sunday, May 27, 2012

7 Types of Mom I DON’T Want to Be

All of a sudden, there’s only a week left until my due date. There were so many things I wanted to document and now I’ve forgotten them. Like things about what kind of mom I want to be. That’s gone out the window as I’m now just trying to learn how to meditate, gather documents for the baby’s passport, arrange doctor’s appointments and pack hospital bags. I know it would be smart to freeze dinners, but we don’t have a very big freezer nor anything to store frozen food in…maybe I’ll do a lot of take out? Maybe Jacob will cook, or maybe I’ll not be doing anything else but lying around with the baby so I won’t mind making some simple stuff? We’ll see.

Anyway there were some things that I had decided before I ever got pregnant. This comes after years of analyzing and reading and thinking about becoming a mom, which has been a very cerebral rather than intuitive decision. When I become a mom, I thought, I didn’t want to be one of the following types of moms:

#1 The Serious Mom

It seemed to me that many moms took their responsibility so seriously that they forgot how to be carefree, spontaneous, and silly. Like all of a sudden the responsibility of caring for a baby meant they couldn’t be wild and crazy and adventurous anymore. I don’t want that. I want to live an adventurous and spontaneous lifestyle.


acupulco photo

Jacob and I have been on about 3 “babymoons” or “one last trip while we’re not parents.” Out to Utah for a month at 5 months pregnant, to Acapulco at an awesome hotel pictured above with some friends at 7 months, and to Puebla for Cinco de Mayo at 8 months.

#2 The Worrywart

I didn’t want to start worrying all the time once I had kids. I wanted to keep my peace of mind. Consequently, I bought the book Free-Range Kids, How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts with Worry) which is about how ridiculous the worries of most parents are and how much pressure they put on themselves for no reason. Awesome, Jacob’s on board too, but now he reminds of the book every time I bring up some thing that I’m wondering about. Okay, okay, I guess I asked for it. I do think that becoming an anxious person because I am now a parent does not make parenting look so exciting, so I just want to be chill and understand that bad things happen but all you can do is your best.

#3 The Easily Offended Mom

I know moms get advice all the time, and lots seem to take it really personally and get defensive. I know that I don’t know anything about being a mom, and I’m open to anything and everything someone wants to tell me. However, it should go without saying that I will maybe not follow the advice, and just do my own thing. Of course I’m open to all ideas and then I’ll decide, but I don’t want to get mad when someone gives me a suggestion.

#4 The Mommy War Participant

I think it’s really unfortunate how much moms judge each other instead of support each other. From when to have kids, to how many, to wearing leashes in public, to stay-at-home versus working moms, to breastfeeding….moms have such strong opinions. This might seem a contradiction to #3, but the point is, I don’t mind advice; I just don’t want to get into “The One and Only Right Way.” I think every mom’s situation is different, and I don’t really care if other moms choose to do something different than me. It’s not my child. I want to stay out of the judgmental scene and stay on the “You go girl” one.

#5 The Relinquish My Dreams Mom

I don’t want to be the mom whose children becomes her whole life, the reason for her existence. I especially don’t want to suddenly only talk about kids. I want to stay interested and involved in politics, world events, literature, fashion, life in general beyond kids. I will out of necessity probably become passionate about child-raising, because it will become a major part of my life, but I don’t want it to be my end all and be all. I want to stay a well-informed and well-rounded individual.

#6 The Dud

I want to care about my appearance and stay fit and cute. I don’t want to change my style and start wearing “mom jeans.”  I want to lift weights and keep a young, fit, healthy body despite having pushed an 8 pound bowling ball out of my private parts. I want to get better with my hair and make up over time. I want to be a “with it” mom. I want my husband to be proud when he’s out with me.

#7 The Conditionally-Loving Guilt-Tripping Mom

I don’t know what my expectations for my child are yet. But no matter what, I want my child to know I love him. Gay or straight, Mormon or atheist, athlete or bookworm, punk or preppy, etc etc. I don’t want to be a mom to reject her child, even if he doesn’t turn out the way I imagined. I want to raise my child an independent, capable, confident, and free-thinking individual—which would of necessity mean that sometimes we won’t agree, and that’s okay.

Well, those are the seven types of mom I don’t want to be. We’ll see what happens once the baby gets here. Maybe I’ll review this list to remind myself of what I wanted, or maybe I’ll look at the list and be like, “Oh silly pre-child Kalli, how your priorities have changed.” Who knows?


Anonymous said...

I would like to comment on number 3. It is my understanding that there is indisputable scientific research showing that children who spend a great deal of time with their grandparents are smarter, better looking, more athletic, and generally kinder than their non-grandparent visiting counterparts.

The Elledges said...

Kalli! I cannot wait to see your bundle of joy! I know you will be a wonderful mother! Your little baby is one lucky dude!

Anonymous said...

It's a great list, and I think you're well prepared to pull it off, especially since you wrote it all down and can refer to it on any off-days that arise. Good luck! :D

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with "Anonymous" regarding the scientific research around frequent exposure to grandparents. In addition, the grand-parent visiting children may experience significant increases in their vertical leaps. Anonymous 2

Anonymous said...

I wonder who is leaving those Grandparent notes? However looking back I agree and now that I am older. I want my Grandkids to remember me as always looking my best and running around and doing things with them that I did with my kids. I don't want them to view me as old and worn out. Good luck Kalli what a great adventure you are about to take on. What a lucky little guy is coming your way.

Angela said...

Well said!!

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