Friday, November 21, 2014

Ryder is almost 2 and 1/2


I love getting to spend all day with him and I’m so grateful that our situation due to Jacob’s work gives me the opportunity to do so.

To me, Ryder is the funniest person.

Things he does to make me laugh:

He has developed an interest in scary clowns. He knows he is not allowed to watch scary clowns. So he will announce to me: “Scary clown all done. Happy clowns?”

I have forbidden all clowns from viewing, however, despite his hopeful questions. He likes to tease me by calling me a happy clown and/or a scary clown.

He also likes to tease me by: winding up his mouse toy and getting it to chase after me, jumping on the futon as I’m trying to fold it up and put it away, taking my museum coupon book and hiding it because I’m always looking at it so he knows it’s important, and running away as soon as I’m ready to walk out the door.

He calls all things soft “doggie.” Therefore, his coat is doggie and my ear muffs are doggie.

He calls all spiders “spiderman.”

He is obsessed with dinosaurs, balls, and vehicles.

He has recently developed a love of both coloring and books, which makes me happy. Before, his attention span was too short for either.

When we eat cereal in the morning together and I start to drink out of the bowl, he grabs it from me so he can finish it off.

He asks “Mama lost?” and “Mama map?” when I stop pushing the stroller as we’re walking. Often, he’s right.


What kind of mom am I?

I have this theory about people who are angry with their parents. You know, there’s a lot of them out there, a lot of generational angst going on. I think they are angry with their parents for not being better parents to them. This may or may not be justified, but either way, from what I’ve noticed, it’s hard to be a better parent than the person you actually are. So really a lot of adult children are just angry their parents aren’t better people, period, and really that’s a silly thing to be angry at someone for. If we all knew  exactly how to be better people, we’d just do it, wouldn’t we? But it’s not that simple. Parents are human too. Now that I’m a mom, I can tell you the same weaknesses I have as a person show up in my parenting. I feel like I am borderline careening into chaos sometimes, but despite that I “do it anyway” with Ryder whether that’s going to a museum or riding for hours on public transportation. I can be oblivious and in my own world—fortunately this hasn’t caused any major accidents to Ryder (yet) though I personally can be accident-prone sometimes. I am not super comfortable with disciplining—Jacob’s better at that.

Ryder is my accessory and not the main event. He eats what I eat, sleeps when I sleep, and devices when I device (me on my computer and he on his ipad). I wish I were more organized, look enviously at mothers who are polished and stain-free, but still hold out hope that one day I might achieve this too. I admire mothers who sew and craft and quilt and bake. One day, maybe I’ll develop those skills too. For now, I’m a mother who explores, learns, sings, goofs off, shares food, and plays with her son and enjoys almost every minute of it.


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