Monday, November 28, 2011

My Response to the “Should Christian Women Wear Bikinis” Video

A certain video has taken the Mormon Facebook world by storm.

What I mean is, it has been posted and reposted by both men and women alike, but they have all been LDS, at least on my Facebook wall.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only Mormon feminist in the world. I know I’m not, it just feels that way at times. Then I remember that, thank God, I know another one-- I’m married to a Mormon feminist. Yes, my husband and I have an egalitarian marriage where we share what we feel is equal responsibility at work and at home—and I’m sure the trend will continue in the future raising of our children. I’m so grateful to have a man who is comfortable enough with his own masculinity to respect decisions I make on my femininity, even if he also, of course, has opinions of his own.

The Youtube video is called, “Should Christian Women Wear Bikinis?”

jason evertIt’s a video given by a Christian preacher to a crowd of high school girls.

When I saw the video for the first time, I left this comment on Youtube, which will give a hint of how I felt about it:

So a one piece swimsuit doesn't cause the same reaction?... Somehow I doubt it. I think Muslims use this same argument on why they should cover. Men telling women what they should wear. Women having to take responsibility for men's reactions. That's so medieval.

I’ve been meaning to do a post on modesty for a long time, because my opinion of it, like so many other things, has been changed by travel. This video, and people’s responses, jumpstarted this post.

So I’m going to deconstruct the video bit by bit, showcasing why I have a problem with it, and why, if you believe in gender equality, you should too.

Issue #1: Because the word “science” was used, people assumed this was proof.

Reality: The science of the study was twisted to be used for this Christian preacher’s purposes. The women’s heads were cut off. This does not imply a real-life situation in any way. There were only 21 men in the study, all from the same socio economic background. This sampling is NEVER big enough to be an interesting study. It’s smaller than a high school class. We don’t know anything about the pictures: the postures of the women, the size of the swim suits, etc. We don’t know if the men were married. If they’d ever had girlfriends. If they were addicted to pornography. Why they volunteered for the survey. If they’d drank any alcohol before the test. If they were carpenters (and therefore with extremely developed parts of the brain devoted to “tool use” -can you catch my irony here?) If the women were supermodel-esque attractive or morbidly obese.

All of that is irrelevant in the end, though, because:

In any event, the speaker completely skewed the findings.


Here are the findings:

"Although men and women were, in general, slightly

faster to pair images of sexualized female targets with

first-person action verbs (e.g., push) and clothed female

targets with third-person action verbs (e.g., pushes) than

the inverse, the difference between the two pairings was

not significant for either sample"

and this seemed to be more frequent among the men who already scored higher in the "Hostile Sexism Score" ...

In other words, the findings were not statistically significant. So, actually, men were NOT more likely to objectify them.


The only ones who had the tendency were the ones who identified themselves as “hostile sexist.”

I sincerely hope that is not most of the LDS men I know. Although an awfully large amount of them seemed to resonate with the findings.

The preacher basically misled people in the video, and the study was flawed. People get so excited when they hear the words “scientific study” that coincides with beliefs they already have that they don’t think to deconstruct it and look at the method of the study. However, although in my mind that’s enough to conclude my case, this is an important subject to discuss so I’ll keep going.

Issue #2: There is often a double standard within religious communities.

I’m only speaking from personal experience here, but:

How many lessons have Mormon men had on modesty?

I’m guessing exactly zero.

How many lessons on how women should be respected as human beings no matter how they dress?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think not many.

How many lessons do LDS young women get on modesty?

Answer: probably weekly.

How many lessons have I been taught that women are in charge of men’s sexuality and it is up to us to say “stop” because men can’t control themselves?

I don’t know-- I’ve been told that on many occasions. 

How many studies have you seen or heard looking to see if women objectify men?

Personally, I’d welcome them. But it’s always the other way around.

How many LDS people would post a video about women objectifying men and men dressing immodestly that would go viral?

Somehow, I don’t see that even reaching most people’s radar.


Issue #3: There’s a reason why so many Muslims loved this video.

If you look at the comments in Youtube, a good part of them are Muslims saying this is exactly why they hijab, or wear burkas.

Countries whose official religion is Islam do not have the best record on women’s rights issues. In fact, the women in strictly conservative Muslim countries are among the least free in the world. According to studies, the worst are Benin, Pakistan, Chad, and Yemen. All practice Islam with the exception of Benin, which practices voodoo. I don’t think that has to be true, mind you. I see it in the world’s future to have much freer women--everywhere.  I love to visit predominantly Muslim countries— and personally I believe that no religion is closer to Mormonism than Islam. Nevertheless, in my mind it’s not a good sign when you have Muslims agreeing that “this is exactly why we tell women to dress the way we do.”

Issue #4: Women only wear bikinis or other kinds of similar dress to try to become a sex object.

Reality: This is a myth.

Women may wear bikinis because they are more comfortable to swim in, because it’s the style, because that’s the cultural expectation where they live, because that’s what their husband likes them to wear, because they love their bodies, because they are beautiful and look good in them, because it is difficult to find another swimming suit that fits correctly, to avoid tan lines, or many other reasons. If we all understand that, then we don’t all have to have a whore complex when we see women dressed differently than our standards.

Issue #5: It is bad for a man to find a woman sexually attractive.

Reality: This is wrong. It is completely normal for a man to find a woman sexually attractive. And vice versa. Weird idea, I know. What is not okay is to treat a woman or a man disrespectfully because of the way they are dressed. Fact: Women are beautiful beings. There is nothing shameful about that.

Issue #6: The video only mentioned women in bikinis. Not women in one piece swimming suits.

one pieceReality: Do you think men are still sexually attracted to women in one piece swimming suits? Let me drop a hint—they are. There are plenty of Swimsuit Illustrated editions of sexy women in one piece swimming suits. Does that mean that it’s still okay for men to objectify women, and that it’s the women’s fault?

Issue # 7: One piece swimming suits are also revealing.

Reality: They are as revealing as some lingerie. So, do men who agree with this video believe women should stop wearing one piece swimming suits, which look like lingerie? If they do…then they can go hide their heads in the sand. Women, in this day and age, should not be expected to swim in jeans and a t- shirt.

Issue # 8: The message of this video is not the best way to get girls to be modest.

Reality: Many women will like the idea that they can be empowered by making men in their control by using their bodies. The most important part of modesty, for both men and women, is to teach themselves to respect their bodies and the feelings of those who are around them. To teach them that being comfortable in their own skin in the most important lesson of all. Guilt is not needed to do that. Shame is not needed to do that. Blame is not needed to do that. Teaching appropriate clothes for appropriate situations will do that. Teaching appropriate and modest behavior given the situation at hand will do that. A bikini is not appropriate to wear to the office. I believe it can be appropriate to wear on the beaches of Europe when 2,000 other women and girls are all wearing the same thing (or less, for that matter). The message of modesty is not bad. Of course it isn’t. The way it is taught, though, is often demeaning and unfair. The emphasis on external, clothing-oriented modesty is just another form of sexualization.

Issue # 9: Women (shocker) get sexually aroused by men as well.

men's adReality: If this were not true, there would not be so many ads with shirtless men on them. I’m not so naïve as to not know that -overall- men are more visually stimulated than women. Although I have known my share of very sexualized women. But that leads me to my next point:

Issue # 10: Men who are attracted to other men are never considered.

Reality: Can you imagine a religious lesson in which boys were taught: be careful the way you dress or homosexual men will lust after you? It would disgust and shame most men. Yet women have to listen to lessons like this on a regular basis. What if a woman told men, “Don’t take your shirts off, or you will become walking pornography to struggling homosexual men.” It is never said, but is it not equally true? Women don’t deserve to be made to feel dirty for being attractive and sexy. Or, put another way, if they deserve it, men deserve it too.

Issue #11: This idea is behind “rape culture.”

It’s harmful to young women to be saddled with not only their own growing and changing bodies, developing sexuality, and insecurities, but also with the responsibility not to tempt boys and men. Not only responsible for lustful thoughts, but for rape. It’s harmful for young men as well. Males should not be taught they are helpless victims simply responding to messages they think females are sending by their choice of clothing. Taken a little further, this kind of psychology leads to the justification of sexual assault. We should take care to steer clear of this kind of thinking in society. This, sociologists would agree, is part of rape culture.

Issue # 12: Modesty is cultural, and it changes over time.

Reality: Modesty, and how it is enforced, is not an eternal truth. Ankles used to be scandalous. If you sexualize arms and say they always have to be covered, arms will become shocking if exposed.

Issue # 13: Sexuality’s perception is cultural.

davidThere are many examples of women within indigenous societies that wear even less than what the bikini covers; if there were a study on their men's brains as well I think the response would be completely different for how they view near naked women compared to extremely conservative religious societies. Many other societies compared to the US allow women to breastfeed in public with no outrage because it is not sexualized to feed a baby. Concepts of sexuality are entirely dependent on society. What if we were all raised to look at human beings with an artist’s eye, appreciating their beauty without sexualizing them? Maybe we should all take a “life drawing” class where we have to draw women and men naked. I don’t think it would take too long to learn to control the primitive response and just get to drawing. Even BYU, amazingly, has a class where women pose in bikinis and students draw them.

Is this not why we can look at great, classical art of nude subjects and not feel that it is pornography? It’s because we’ve desexualized them, and reemphasized their beauty and the talent of their creator.

Issue # 14: Gender equality has a long way to go in the US.

Reality: We are ranked #17 in the world. #19 in other studies. Not bad overall, but terrible for developed countries. We moved up from #31 just this last year. We must be making progress. Of course this doesn’t have to do with bikinis directly, but it does apply to gender equality overall. One of the first cultural differences I noticed when I lived in Europe for the first time as a 20 year old college student was how Europeans found violence shocking and no clothes acceptable, whereas Americans find no clothes shocking but violence acceptable. European women have more freedom and less crime perpetrated against them than American women as a general rule. I prefer their mode of thinking.

Issue #15: Here is a response from someone on Facebook, I will address his questions in red:

I found some of the comments interesting. I'm sorry, but some responsibility is on the woman as well as the men.

Totally agree. I think in issues like these, it’s fair to give 50-50 responsibility. This video did not give 50-50 responsibility. It was 100-0.

To suggest that it's completely the man's fault, is like demanding someone not to swear around you when you, yourself, continuously expose them to foul language. Also, please realize that what you wear does have some effect on how you act.
I'm some what astounded by the cry of sexism, though. If the study demanded that all women must not wear bikinis and men are at no fault what-so-ever, then sure it's sexist. 

It is a man telling a large group of teenaged girls they *should not* wear bikinis if they are true Christians, shaming women for a personal decision. I could find nothing in it that said men had any responsibility. So yes, it is sexist.

But if it comes across as a warning that wearing such outfits may arose certain thoughts in men, then where's the sexism?

It doesn’t come across as a warning—it is stated not only as science, but as an inescapable conclusion. Men—all men, not just “hostile sexist ones” which technically was the findings of the survey, will not be able to help themselves.

Especially today when so many women are taken advantage of and when society--sadly to say--paints women as objects.

If women are taken advantage of, it is in societies which women do not have equal freedoms, equal rights, and which shame women into being modest. In societies where women are completely free, they have less crimes perpetrated against them, they experience less violence, and they are happier. Think Europe versus the Middle East.

And as Carric pointed out, they said women might be effected the same way as well and they plan to do the same study with women.

Great. I hope it goes viral like this one did within the Mormon community. Of course, if the findings were the same the findings would be that there was not statistical significance, which would be quite boring.

Would you find the findings more truthful--or not complain--if they came from women running the same experiment?

 I certainly think that the video—forget about the experiment, which was flawed anyway—would have been more truthful if both genders were being examined, if a woman was giving the lecture as well, and if men were present as well. 

Should I cry sexism, if a women tells me how a man should treat women?

You should cry sexism when genders are not treated fairly, one way or the ugly woman

Would you be okay with a man getting scantily clad women tattoos? He's "wearing" what he wants.

Yes, I would be okay with a man getting those tattoos. Why would I care? It has absolutely nothing to do with me. Just don’t tell me it’s my fault he got the tattoos.

I guess I'm tired of quick cries of discrimination, when there might not be any.

What makes you assume the cries are quick? I ended up reading every comment on every posting of this video, researching the man who made the video, and reading the entire survey which is more than most people did who have posted this video.

Plus, I don't expose any part of my male organs, so I think it's fair for me to say that women probably shouldn't expose themselves.

Wearing a bikini is not “exposing female organs” any more than wearing a Speedo is. Or the fact that men swim shirtless. I’ll be waiting for the shirtless and/or Speedo Study. An unbiased one.


CONCLUSION: Until I traveled, I thought it was fair to think of girls who wore short skirts as skanks. Why? Because I was socialized that way. Then I lived in two different extremes. I spent about six months in the Middle East. I’ve spent nearly a year in Europe. The difference of being a woman between these two is so incredible I can’t even begin to explain. I was verbally assaulted in Egypt just because I didn’t have a headscarf on. (I was already very conservatively dressed.) Probably, to be honest, just because I was a woman. I was followed around and told: “I want to f*** you. How much do you charge?”  I was told by fellow women that they are used to it over there and you just have to learn to put up with it. I didn’t like walking alone there because I got far too much attention. Women in these kind of places have to cover their skin from head to toe. I did, while I was there. And these ideas reinforce themselves. Women think they have to dress that way or men can’t help themselves; they’ll molest them—and it will be the woman’s fault. And men feel justified that if a woman is dressed differently than what he is used to, she is asking for trouble.

beachIn Europe these days, a woman can wear whatever she wants and she won’t even get a second glance. No one will bother her. Men and women are free to dress according to the dictates of their own conscience. And I can tell you there that a large majority of women, LDS or not, wear bikinis and a large majority of men, LDS or not, wear Speedos. And guess what. People get over it. It’s fine.

The next time you see a woman dressed in a way which you feel is scantily, say a quick prayer to God thanking Him you live in a free society where women aren’t killed, raped, or stoned for not conforming to unequal laws that men have created.

I could keep going, but this post is long enough. I’m going to breathe easier after I post this, though. It’s distressing for me to see so many LDS people reposting this when its message is damaging, unfair, and dishonest. Let me know: do you agree?

And by the way, although this disclaimer isn’t necessary, I personally don’t prefer to wear bikinis. (Although I do at times because my husband likes me to-- he thinks I look good in them.) But I’ll defend my right to wear them with every feminist breath of my modestly dressed body.

I welcome your comments. Just so you know, my husband agrees with me. So this isn’t just a woman talking on this subject. Smile

A New Website Home

Well, I don’t know how to forward these posts to, so I am just going to post them here and there. I’ve finally moved all my old posts to the new site, so let me know what you think.

If you “like” Portable Professionals on Facebook, you’ll receive blog updates from there. You can like it here:

You can also click the facebook box, or the RSS feed box to receive updates to your blog reader (these are found on the left side of I don’t have too many Youtube video or Twitter updates at this point. I really like the way the site looks. I’m ready to start posting more and being more active in the blogging world than I have been for the last few months.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

17 Reasons TO live in America

I follow the blog of this Irish guy who wrote an ebook on learning languages. I met him briefly in Vancouver. He goes on three month language “missions” where he becomes conversational, even fluent, in the language by the end of the mission. His ideas are good, but nothing radical from what Jacob tells me (Jacob, of course, is a genius at learning languages.)

He wrote a scathing article about why he would never want to live in America. I'm fine dishing it out about my own country, but when someone else does it I feel the need to defend it. Especially since the reasons he lists are quite asinine, in my opinion. It’s gotten quite a lot of attention, especially from fawning I-hate-America Americans.So here are 17 reasons to live in America. You can read the original article here:

1. Americans are becoming minority friendly. America is making progress when it comes to political correctness. Yes, we're sensitive and probably over-the-top at times—but we're leading the way in changing the way minorities are spoken about. The civil rights movement was such a short time ago. We still have a long way to go but the fact that we're concerned about it is a huge step forward. Plus we’re super conscious on creating user-friendly things for people with disabilities.
2. Americans are endearingly optimistic, if maybe slightly naïve. I'm grateful for the can-do attitude Americans have.
3. Americans have the best smiles in the world, thanks to excellent dental work and oral hygiene. I'm really grateful to have had braces (thanks Mom). Braces are basically not seen anywhere else. No wonder we’re smiley! (This American has my favorite smile.)
4. Yes it's annoying the way waiters love to take your plate away before you're finished. Yet, universally Jacob and I have missed getting constant drink refills and not having to wave the waiter over if you need the check. Customer service in America, as far as convenience goes, is top-notch.
5. The prices for technology and other high end products are the lowest anywhere we've been—since a lot of them are produced in America and then exported elsewhere.
6. You can buy anything you want in the US. Anything. Whether it's online or thrift stores or Louis Vuitton, there's such a fantastic range of products as specific as you could ever want, and you'll be able to find it in the price range that you want too, and there will be competing products even within a niche market.
7. He thinks it's wasteful the way people upgrade to the next technology product. I think that's simply ignorant. I'm married to a chronic technology upgrader, and is it any surprise that he also is a technology creator? The US is a leader in technology, obviously. I don't see any major breakthroughs coming from Ireland. Maybe you should think about upgrading your devices.
8. Americans welcome outsiders. For the most part. The US accepts more immigrants than the rest of the countries put together.
9. Americans are a proud people. While of course it can go too far, people need to have pride in their heritage and Americans do. Plus I think we celebrate holidays dang well.  P1110218
10. If you like to cook, I can't imagine a better country to live in than America. The grocery stores are the biggest, there are specialty shops even in the smallest of towns, and even the poorer people's houses have fantastically large kitchens. You can cook Thai, Indian, Chinese, or Mexican food easily.
11. As an atheist, he was annoyed at the religious fervor of Americans. I can see how that would be difficult, but at the same time there are plenty of atheists in America. Every religion is well represented in the US. It's just one more way that the US has these sort of niche specialties. It can be nice, I think. For example I thought it would be nice to visit a Universal Unitarian church. There are none here in Mexico City. You can bet there are in the major cities of the US. It's a measure of US diversity, although of course the majority of people are Evangelical or Protestant Christian. Here Jacob, Grandpa Campbell, and I are at an LDS historical monument in the Midwest.

12. I love Walmart. As soon as I got to Mexico City I visited Walmart. I visited it four times in two weeks. Three different ones. It’s a little ghetto here compared to the American version but it’s better than nothing. It's really easy to dis on corporations until you never have access to them.
13. Okay, the no public transportation thing is a real downer, I'll be the first to agree with that. But on the bright side, there's gas stations with free bathrooms and drinking fountains wherever you are.
14. Efficiency is a value of Americans. Like any value, it can be taken too far—and I certainly used to take it too far, as do others as is evidenced by the high level of stress-related illnesses—but there's no denying that Americans accomplish more in their day than the majority of people around the world. Their methods of increasing efficiency, like in Cheaper By the Dozen, have increased efficiency for other people around the world as well.
15. Hobbies. In America, you have the space, the time, the materials and the means to practice whatever hobby you want. Woodworking, horse riding, piano, jumping higher, quilting...Americans by and large will each of them have a passion—a real obsession with a subject that makes for interesting and skillful people. If you happen to have a hobby for house decorating, which I obviously don't, but if you do I can't imagine a better place to do it than the US. Plus the US is the ideal place for a developing athlete.

16. The best foodie scene in the world. You can get any kind of food even in small towns. Yes there's fast food too. But I don't blame Americans for having trouble with their weight. Food in America is plentiful and it's good. This picture is actually Egyptian food, but you know you can find that in the US too.
17. Americans are entrepreneurs. We are individualists, and we see problems and create solutions for them. So many of the traveling location independent people in the world today whose blogs I follow are Americans. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence. I think being American is ideal for helping people to become self-sufficient (another American value), free, and choosing your own path. Here’s the owner of Bioletics, a company that tests your vitamins in your blood for athletes. We met him in Bend, Oregon.

P1080929's that for a dose of positivity on America from this now three year abroad expat :) (Three years ago this week we arrived in Heiligenhaus, Germany…the start of our adventure. Times have changed since then!) Happy Thanksgiving! We'll be eating it with another LDS family here in Mexico City. Woo hoo!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Veteran’s Day

Dear veterans,

Thank you for dying for

                    killing for

                     surviving those wars you fought for me?


Because I think differently on this subject than most Americans, I’m choosing to share my thoughts. Before I get started, though, let me just say that I have veterans and soldiers in my family, and among my friends. I believe they are brave and desire the best for America. It is the system—the US governmental system, the US value system, the US propaganda system (the media)—which I am speaking about, not the soldiers themselves. Please don’t read further if this subject is too sensitive for you. If, however, you’re interested… let me ask a few questions.


Fill in the blank:


Indians value spirituality, therefore their most respected members of society are spiritual gurus. They have a  history of producing spiritual leaders such as Gandhi.

oscar wilde

Irish value literacy, therefore their most respected members of society are writers. They have a history of producing famous authors such as Oscar Wilde.


Austrians value classical art, therefore their most respected members of society are classical musicians and artists. They have a history of producing some of the most beloved musicians such as Mozart.

Americans value _________, therefore their most respected members of society are soldiers. They have a history of entering conflicts around the globe—a conflict per decade in the last century—and winning, or at least not losing.

(Obviously each country has more than one value and more than one type of hero. I venture to say, however, that in America no other group gets as much honoring as veterans and soldiers.)

Most Americans would fill in the _______ with freedom. I’m not saying that’s not the answer. I’m just saying to think carefully before assuming that.

Let me explain.

Many Americans believe theirs is the most free country in the world. This is not based on facts—it’s more based on history, because it WAS the most free country in the world. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still free. But so are many countries these days, some debatably MORE free. Look at these stats, which rate the US as the 19th most free in individual freedoms: or the 9th most free when it comes to economic freedoms:  Why is this distinction important? Because other countries, which are as or more free than the US, do not have strong militaries nor do they enter into wars with the frequency that Americans do.  Countries such as Switzerland and Singapore.

Yet they are free.

And conversely, of course, some countries have very strong militaries (the next strongest after ours is China’s) which are certainly not free.

So in my mind, fighting wars and supporting the military is not equal to valuing freedom.

Especially because, of any value I have, I think freedom is the highest. There is nothing I value more than my freedom. Maybe my family, I suppose. Anyway, freedom—free agency in Mormon lingo—is the most Godlike quality on earth. I just don’t believe that my freedom is bought with human blood on a regular basis. Nor, even more to the point, do I want it to be. I don’t want anyone to kill for me. I don’t even want anyone to die for me. And, what most Americans don’t seem to understand: it’s not necessary for anyone to die or to kill for you. If I became Canadian, or Estonian, or Swedish—no one would be killing or dying for me, and I would still be free.

This is not a statement most Americans are ready to hear, but:

I believe military worship is the single largest problem in America today- therefore, it is the single largest reason why I do not totally identify myself with Americans.

Here are the reasons why I believe military worship is dangerous:

1. The military is causing our financial problems. More precisely, the longest wars in history are causing our economic problems. These wars will continue as long as Americans allow them to. They are drawing Americans into an economic sinkhole.

2. Honoring institutional violence (i.e., killing in the name of the government) is sure to foster local violence. Take a look at America’s school shootings in comparison to other countries. Or its homicide rate. America’s value system says “mess with the best, die like the rest.”

America is a violent country in comparison to other developed countries. I believe this is rooted in its honoring institutional violence in the form of the military, government-sanctioned torture, and the death penalty. Our policies in these subjects would cause outrage, not worshipful respect, in more peaceful countries.

3. War begets more war. Despite the war on drugs, drug use in America has gone up dramatically in the last 25 years. A country which is constantly at war against something eventually turns into that which it wars against.

4. It promotes American superiority. If wars are always justified, and we’re always right, then someone else in the world is wrong. Wrong enough to be killed. More than someone. Millions of someones. And the dead Americans mourn are never foreign dead, only American dead. As someone who has lived among and loved so many different people of so many different backgrounds, this of all ideas is the most strange. Why do we mourn deaths more because they were American? A human is a human is a human.

5. It damages our relationships with other cultures. Many, many other people around the world are dismayed at the US’s foreign policy. For example, on my favorite travel website’s summary of the US it states: Too many closed-minded independent travellers object to American foreign policy…and don't bother with it. Their loss.


I don’t expect to change anyone’s mind with this post. Patriotism in America is so intrinsically tied with the military that I can’t imagine that changing. The only way it will change is if people visit these countries that have more freedom than the US and more peace, to get that vision.

I am proud of my country. I’m not anti-American. It’s a mark of America’s great freedom of thought that I can express my views on this subject, and I don’t take that lightly. However, because I do love my country I fiercely hope that one day people could get that vision…a vision in which America could once again be the most free country in the world, and the most peaceful.

Powered by Blogger