Thanksgiving post

I’ve been posting more to my new site recently. There are several reasons for this. Mostly to try to grow my credibility online so I can reach out and meet other travelers, specifically traveling families. I’m interested in doing this more and more, since it looks like this is going to be our lifestyle indefinitely, and I want Ryder to have friends with lifestyles similar to his. I also want to reach a larger audience to help inspire others to travel with kids. Also, my new site uses Disqus, so I can more easily respond to comments. If you want to keep up with my posts, you can like the page on Facebook, or you can follow the RSS feed. I’ll probably create a sign up so you can get posts to your inbox as well.

Anyway, I’ll still use this blog to occasionally post updates which are very specific to Ryder, but I thought I’d let you guys know about this post today:

http://portableprofessionals.com/perpetual-travel/12-reasons-why-im-grateful-to-be-a-traveling-mom/

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Love,

Kalli

Four months so far.

 

Some of our favorite things about having a baby so far…

 

From Kalli:

When he sticks his tongue out super far and looks me in the eyes to show he’s hungry.

Co-sleeping and waking up to find him staring at me, then drifting off to sleep, then waking up to still find him staring at me.

The gulping satisfied noises he makes as he eats.

Me telling him about my plans for our family’s future, and him seeming to listen all ears.

Telling him fairy tales as he looks me right in the eye.

The way he lifts up his legs to toot.

Having him be crying and then me singing him a lullaby makes him stop.

How shocked he looks when he sees something unexpected.

Teasing him by touching his mouth with his binky, tickling him, and playing other baby games.

 

From Jacob:

When he squeaks and looks at me while doing it.

When he smiles, of course.

His curiosity about everything.

He’s happy to just “T out” (put his arms straight out while on his back) and gaze upwards.

How easily he gets surprised.

How cuddly he is.

His fits are cute.

His grabby hands.

Even though he has little control, he wills his hands over to flop down on mine.

He does a decent job of mimicking things like facial expressions.

 

Ryder brings us so much joy.

Meditations on Travel and Motherhood: Traveler’s Guilt

This is a new one for me. I never felt guilt before for traveling. But now with Ryder it’s different. I don’t feel guilt at taking him around everywhere because of lack of stability or anything like that. He’s a baby. All he needs is his mom and dad, milk, and sleep.  I think it might even stretch his mind a little bit, to be held by people who speak different languages, to be exposed to different climates and ways of traveling—carseat, metro, taxi, airplane. But seeing so many family members hold him and love him and then to take him away during the period of life when he will change the most, that’s hard.

My brother Regan with Ryder in Mexico City

Ryder and Grandpa Al

But then I remind myself, even if we lived in the States, we have family in Utah, Iowa, Texas, and Missouri. We couldn’t be around all family, all of the time, even if we weren’t expats. The reality of modern life today is that most people don’t live right next to family these days, because work or school takes them across the nation. We are actually unusual in that we could choose to live where we wanted to in the States, but even then, some family would be missing out. And in some ways, because it’s important to us to see friends and family while we’re in the States, I think we make more of an effort to make that time special than people do who live closer by.

It’s still hard. No one loves my baby like family. Thank goodness for Skype.

Learning to drive with a baby

I’ll publish this one anyway, even though, ironically enough, we have decided to get a campervan here in New Zealand. I wrote this one in Utah.

Rant time.

I don’t like driving. I suppose I should explain why because a lot of people really like driving, I think. Well, now that I have a baby I hate driving ten times more. Here’s why:

1. I hate car seats. He has to ride in the back while I am driving on the freeway. If he starts to cry because he is hot, cold, uncomfortable, falling out of his seat, missing his binky, missing his mommy, tired, wet, whatever, what am I supposed to do? I’m driving. On the freeway. I have to listen to him cry. The entire time I’m on the freeway. When I babywear him on the bus or metro, like I did in Mexico, he NEVER cried. He was comfortable and if he needed something, I could attend to it right away. With cars this is impossible.

Here’s Ryder kareoking with Jacob at one of our weekly get togethers in Mexico City.

2. I hate cars. I hate how you constantly have to fill them up with gas ($500/month expense anyone?) I hate how they break down all the time. I hate how hot they get in the sun and you have to open your door with your shirt tail and you have to worry about putting on your melting seatbelt and you have to put your already sweating child in the burning carseat.

3. I hate traffic. I hate road construction, and I hate changing lanes going 80 miles an hour with folks who you know nothing about their skills as drivers. I hate not knowing where I’m going, and having to look at the GPS while I’m driving.

4. I hate waste. Seems like so much gas is wasted to get one little person inside one huge vehicle from point A to point B within the same city.

OK, time to tell you what I love.

1. I love babywearing. I love never having to get my baby in and out of car seats but just hopping in and out of the metro with him practically just an extension of my body. Easy, fast, convenient and I never have to worry about waking the baby up.

2. I love public transportation. I love hopping on a train, bus, metro, or taxi and doing whatever I want while someone else is in charge of getting us there.

3. I love free time that I can spend reading, playing with my baby, or sleeping even when there is traffic. I feel much safer with this kind of transportation than with cars.

4. I love how green public transportation is.

All this is meant to say, I guess this means I am not cut out to be an American mother. I would just stay home probably most of the time, just to avoid the annoyance and hassle of getting from one place to another. Am I missing something? Is driving really that great of an activity? Many people say driving is the ultimate freedom. To me, I feel shackled by its inconvenience, ESPECIALLY now that I have a baby.

The Difficulties of Traveling with a Baby…

are way overstated.

I can’t speak for what it will be like when Ryder is walking, or driving for that matter.

But as a three month old, Ryder is ridiculously easy to travel with…most of the time.

On the 12 hour flight to Fiji, he just slept like always. Babies, I’m told, love white noise and bumpiness. Planes, therefore, are ideal for Ryder.

Hotel rooms? We use the same bed wherever we go, so it’s not a big deal for him.

Crying in public? Just as not fun abroad as at home, but it’s just as likely to happen anywhere.

There’s no need to worry about carrying food around. He flies for free. He doesn’t even play with toys yet. He’s easy. He’s portable. He doesn’t need nearly as much stuff as you’d think. I’ll do a post soon on what we do carry for him.

Venice Beach, Los Angeles

Waiting for his connecting flight in Fiji.

There are two exceptions to this so far:

When we checked out of our YMCA the other day, he had a massive blowout. I was talking on the phone with Air Pacific and didn’t notice at first. Poop on his back, on his blanket, on my pants, on his carrier…it was epic.

And we no longer had a bathtub to use because we were in between homes. I spent 45 minutes cleaning him and me off with paper towels in the YMCA basement restroom. I had to dig around for new clothes for us both out of our suitcases. That is the extent of difficulty of traveling with a baby that I have experienced. It wasn’t fun at the time, but it was amusing to recount afterwards

One more thing. Ryder was sleeping up to 10 hours a night in a row. Now, with the time change in New Zealand, his rhythms are off and he’s back down to only five and we’re back to square one. Dang it.

Other than that, I am here to tell you what I never heard before—traveling with a baby adds to the experience of the voyage. It doesn’t detract from it. Jacob and I can’t wait to see him growing and experiencing the world around him. We’re sure he’ll provide insights we’ll have never thought of. Right now, he seems happy enough just going where we go.

7 types of mom I DON’T want to be…updated

Well, I was afraid of turning into these 7 types of moms. I thought I’d give an update on how I’m doing.

#1 The Serious Mom

I don’t know if I’m any more serious, but it’s possible. When you’re sleep-deprived, it’s a natural tendency. Although I’m happy to report that Ryder is sleeping from 8-2 pretty regularly. He even slept 8 hours the other night. It’s not anything I’m doing, I don’t think. He’s just a good little sleeper. I try to keep a dark room so he knows it’s nighttime…I sing him the same lullaby every night (Good night, Ryder…it’s time to go to sleep. Mommy loves the baby, Daddy loves the baby, Mommy loves the baby, but it’s time to go to sleep"). I’m really glad we’re achieving this without a schedule because I realized, Jacob and I aren’t scheduled people. We like to be spontaneous. I also like having him sleep right next to me (see #2).  We’ll see how Ryder does after the time change when we move to New Zealand next month.

 

One thing’s for sure, I am definitely more sentimental. I almost cried when he got his vaccinations and his breath was taken away from the pain so he couldn’t even scream. I told Jacob before I had the baby that I was not a fan of baby talk and I intended to speak to him normally. Guess who spends all day goo goo-ing and gah gah-ing?

#2 The Worrywart

I do have random fears now. Like I have this weird idea that someone was going to snatch and grab him from me in Mexico. I think that’s because that happened to my phone there though. My other compulsion is to constantly check his breathing while he is sleeping. Other than that, I think I am pretty laid back as a mom.

#3 The Easily Offended Mom

I don’t mind advice still, but in Mexico they have something they do that I don’t agree with and they are kind of over the top about. “Tapalo!” they shout, which means, cover him up! They carry their babies around in papoose looking things and you can see their hair is smeared with sweat. When Jacob and I went to a Mexican family’s ranch this last weekend, Ryder was crying his normal “I’m tired and about to go to sleep cry” as I held him in my arms. One of the women marched in, took him and said his problem was that he was cold. When I returned to the room a few minutes later, 5 Mexican women were tiptoeing out of the room, saying, “he’s asleep!” I entered to find Ryder wrapped in a thick blanket with a hat on his head and lying on top of a huge fuzzy stuffed dog. This in a room without a fan where I personally was already sweating. Ryder was squirming with his eyes closed. I had to rearrange him, of course. I doubt those women knew or would have even cared about current SIDS recommendations (no hat while sleeping, use a fan, etc.) Mexicans think every problem with the baby has to do with being cold, and so I just couldn’t take them seriously.

#4 The Mommy War Participant

Fortunately I haven’t felt any pressure from my mothering skills except for one day when Ryder was crying. He’d been upset the whole weekend and groaning in his sleep. I’ve since read that all babies get colicky between 6-8 weeks and it’s just part of their growing pains. For Ryder it was more like 5-7 weeks where he was crying more than usual. Anyway we were at a friend’s house and I was about to go feed him and a lady with many kids told me: “No! He is not hungry!” and she took him and held him in the colic position, belly down on the arm, which he seemed to like because he stopped crying. It shook my confidence a little to see her step in like that, but then I decided that just because I am Ryder’s mom, doesn’t mean I will always be so in tune with him that I can read his mind, and as a new mom there will be plenty of things I still have to figure out.   I think he has the cutest little frown in the whole world:

#5 The Relinquish My Dreams Mom

I had no idea I would end up with a baby that prefers to be out and about rather than home. That is an amusing turn of events, because I am a homebody in the sense that I spend a lot of time at home even though we travel, and Ryder prefers the motion and noise of being outside. I’ve taken him with me everywhere in my Boba sling—to Lucha Libre, the movies, Frida Kahlo and Leon Trotsky’s house, restaurants, even on the plane and he is pretty good. I still break out in a cold sweat when we’re in a public place and he starts to get fussy, but for the most part I feel like he is on his best behavior when other people are around. Here he is just chilling on my lap as I watched a movie:

#6 The Dud

The first time I spent away from the baby was to go get my hair dyed. I requested blonde and they dyed it red; I went and got it redone and it still has orange streaks. I guess Mexicans don’t do blonde. Anyway, I think I’m managing this one pretty well, although I have yet to get back into my regular workouts. I still want to lose 5-10 more pounds.

#7 The Conditionally-Loving Guilt-Tripping Mom

What’s not to love about a two month old baby? I do love him more than words can say. When he smiles at me I think, “ if I died right now with him looking at me like that, I would be happy.” I am a much better person to him than comes naturally to me.  Did I really think that I would be an exception to what evolution has developed to further and protect the species—mother instinct? Nevertheless I continue to be surprised how much I dote on this little boy. He is so much fun and I have a hard time believing what everyone says, that it gets more and more fun with time. He is the sweetest little baby and I love every minute.

The most important subject for new moms

That’s right, it’s sleep! Ryder and I are still working on getting our sleep schedule figured out. He has slept 5-6 hours in a row at night 3 nights so far, and I am working towards getting that consistently, so I’m not sleeping/tired all day. That was the cruel irony I found after giving birth: the most exhausting experience of my life and not getting to sleep more than 3 hours at a time for the next 3 weeks.

 

This is his bed:

It’s basically a tent. We put it on a glass table next to our bed. It has no pillows or sheets and it has a firm mattress, and it’s big enough to last for years. This will be Ryder’s bed—his familiar home—for the next several years. It’s no longer on sale on Amazon, but you can find it here: http://www.kidco.com/products-page/peapod-standard/p102/ It’s only 4.5 pounds and was $69.95. It folds completely flat and pops out easily.

If I had a second choice it would be this one. It’s only 3 pounds and $29.99, but it’s only for infants, not usable past age 4-5 months.

I’m cosleeping a lot more than I ever intended I would, though, because it’s easier than lifting him in and out of bed. I read that 70% of parents cosleep with their babies despite the recommendations of the American Pediatric Association. It’s very sweet to snuggle in the mornings that way, and Ryder seems to prefer it to sleeping alone. I only do it when it’s daylight, though, so I can see him, and after Jacob’s gone to work. He’s running a basketball camp right now for Mexican kids.

I started Ryder  on his binky when he was little over three weeks old, and it’s a lifesaver. I don’t know how some parents manage without it. Ryder sucked his thumb in the womb (we saw it on the ultrasound) and sometimes it seems like nothing will satisfy him except to suck—anything.

I’ve read two books about baby sleeping— On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the GIFT of Nighttime Sleep and The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night .  They are basically two completely different styles. Babywise is a controversial book . Its author, Gary Ezzo, is very anti-attachment parenting, which is the style of the other author, Elizabeth Pantley. I think I lean toward the more attachment parenting style, while not thinking “crying it out” is evil. Also, I am not a very scheduled person these days, and Babywise is pretty strict when it comes to feeding times. I’m trying to take ideas from both, though. The most important thing I got from Babywise was this: get a full feeding in, and don’t just let the baby snack or fall asleep at the breast. Then they won’t get the “hind milk” which is what makes them feel full. I’ve had days with Ryder where it felt like I was feeding him every hour, and it was exhausting. The full feedings help to avoid that. I also learned to let Ryder cry just a little bit will sometimes mean he will go to sleep—that he’s fussy because he’s tired.

The ideas I got from Elizabeth Pantley are these:

• Don’t just pick him up as soon as he makes a noise in the night. Sometimes they are just sleeping noises and not hungry noises.
• Don’t turn on the lights or do anything terribly exciting at bedtime or during the night, so he can distinguish between night and day. Develop a bedtime routine to calm him down, like reading books, giving a bath, massage, and other peaceful things with dimmed lights.

 Grandma Hiller’s forehead massage relaxed Ryder nicely:

 

• Don’t let the baby nap too long during the day, or he will get his days and nights mixed up. Three hours should be the max and less than one hour doesn’t really make them less fussy.
• Establish an early bedtime for baby, around 7-8 pm.
• Don’t let the baby become dependent on having something in his mouth to go to sleep—the “sucking-to-sleep association.”
• If the baby needs help going back to sleep, use key words, patting, rocking, to help them, and use breastfeeding as a last resort.
• Make a book about sleep for children who are toddlers and still not sleeping well.

BOTH books say that routine is important for baby. Routine is not something I have had in my life for quite a while, so wish me luck as I try to figure out Ryder and I’s routine and stick with it. One way we are choosing to avoid routine is not having him have to fall asleep in the same place. We want him to be able to fall asleep on the go. Here he is in our Boba wrap, on the way home from the hospital:

Babywise says a baby can sleep through the night at 2 months (that’s part of the controversy) No Cry says 4 months. I’m aiming for the two-month goal of 5 hours a night while trying to be realistic.

Any tips/ideas that have worked for you and your baby?